The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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