I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
