I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
