OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
