You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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