last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
