Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
