i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
