you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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