piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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