so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
