a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
