There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
