the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
