So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
