Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
