I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
