I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't make out with my wife yet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
