if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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