hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
third nipple confirmed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
