i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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