i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
