Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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