if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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