Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
