I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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