its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
