Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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