Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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