If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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