his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
