So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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