he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I look better un-naked...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Randomize
