Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
