i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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