worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
