y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
