I am spending my child support on dildos
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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