I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my liver is dry heaving
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
