I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
