This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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