hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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