Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love accidental penises.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
