im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
