I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
