fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
