There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
