Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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