My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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