I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
