I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
