PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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