he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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