And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
